Saturday, January 14, 2006

Pre-launch psychosis (Pam)

Saturday morning and the media event to launch the campaign is on Monday.

This is it. Stomach is in knots.

These are the dark hours of silent introspection. I can't talk to anyone. Don't want to talk to anyone. I am obsessing over every detail. Every word that's been chosen. Every image that's been selected. Every decision we've made over the past four months.

I am responsible. I am accountable. The prez, my boss, the other VPs at WWF leave me free to do my job without interference. They ask tough questions and probe deeply into my strategy and my decisions. I answer to their satisfaction and they trust that I've got it right.

This freedom weighs down on me heavily in these moments. The payback for this freedom is very, very expensive.

I am sick with anxiety.

Have been testing the web site and giving feedback for the past 24-hours. Just looked at the latest iteration. If the site doesn't raise money, I don't know what will.

The media conference is the next hurdle. The speech that Mike Russill, our prez, will say is up to draft seven, could be eight.

This morning emails have been flying between me, Tara, the public relations guru, and Wiseman. Briefing materials for our celebs. DVDs of the creative for the press that attend. The structure for the special web site demo that we'll show.

Logistics in the CN Tower are intimidating. Security, elevators, special passes. We've got high profile people to wrangle through this gauntlet. Mayor of Toronto, David Miller. Margaret Atwood and, her husband, Graeme Gibson. Farley Flex, Canadian Idol judge and music industry impressario. Adam van Koeverden, kayaker and Olympic medalist. All generously giving us their time and influence, but don't need to be hassled and stressed through the process.

Then there are the final grooming details. Hair cut. Done. Eyebrows waxed. Not yet. Need to go see the smiling and sadistic lady over on Coxwell, who speaks to me in a mix of English and Korean. Manicure. Will do myself. New suit. Will get tomorrow.

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